WASHINGTON – The holidays can be tough, but with a little self-care and creativity, they can also be meaningful and uplifting, advises Danielle Hairston, M.D., psychiatrist and assistant professor at Howard University.

Hairston provides practical tips on how to create a fulfilling holiday season by setting boundaries, managing expectations, and embracing new traditions. She points out that the holidays don’t have to follow a specific formula to be meaningful.

"The holidays are an opportunity to acknowledge your feelings, surround yourself with positivity, try new traditions, and set healthy boundaries. That’s how you create a holiday that feels uplifting and empowering," Hairston says.

Tip 1: Acknowledge That the Holidays Aren’t Always Joyful

“It’s okay if you’re not feeling merry and bright,” Hairston says. “Acknowledging that the holidays can be tough—whether because of family challenges, feelings of loneliness, or other stressors—can help ground your expectations.”

Accepting these emotions can reduce the pressure to create a picture-perfect holiday and allow you to focus on what truly matters to you, she adds.

Tip 2: Surround Yourself with People Who Uplift You

Family isn’t just about blood relations. Hairston explains that your “chosen family,” including best friends, mentors, neighbors, or your broader support circle, can help create a warm and fulfilling holiday experience. She encourages reaching out to those who bring positivity into your life.

Tip 3: Create New Traditions—What Do You Know About Friendsmas?

“You don’t have to follow the traditions you grew up with,” Hairston advises.

She encourages people to start new traditions that bring joy and reflect who they are. One such tradition she is exploring is “Friendsmas,” a festive celebration blending “friends” and “Christmas.” Like Friendsgiving, Friendsmas is about gathering with your chosen family to enjoy food, games, and holiday-themed activities like karaoke, movie nights (yes, Die Hard counts!), or even trivia.

Hairston herself celebrates community through events like Black Trivia Night, where friends gather to celebrate Black excellence and share joy through music and games. Events like these can inspire new traditions while connecting with others in meaningful ways.

This year, Hairston is creating her own holiday memories by traveling to Jamaica with her family—showing that the season can be celebrated in ways that bring personal joy and fulfillment.

To join in on the holiday fun, check out Dr. Hairston’s Black Trivia Night: Friendsmas Edition at District Alley in Washington, DC—a festive event celebrating community and joy. For more details, visit Eventbrite.

Tip 4: Prioritize Self-Care and Set Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for a healthier holiday. If you need to take a break, arrive late, or leave early, give yourself permission to do so, she advises.

“Protect your energy by setting limits on what you can give to others, and carve out time for rest and self-care,” Hairston says.

Overall, Hairston encourages everyone to empower themselves during the holiday season. By taking control of your holiday experience—whether it’s setting boundaries, creating new traditions, or focusing on self-care—you can make this time of year uniquely meaningful and fulfilling.

“It’s an opportunity to prioritize what truly brings you joy and connect with the people and activities that matter most,” Hairston says.

Photo credit: Kellie Finch 

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